The first thing we naturally do when we see a loved one with a problem like an emerging addiction, is we will try to talk to them about it. But unfortunately, anyone with addictive illness is going to be resistant to your attempts to engage them in conversation about their negative behaviours as they begin to feel their addictive illness being threatened. Because they associate pleasure with their addiction, even though you are scared for their long-term welfare, they will begin putting blocks up and forming excuses in order to keep you away from the pastime that they are associating with serving them, rather than consider ceasing.
Here are 20 examples of denial, deceit and deflection that you may hear and begin to recognise someone with addictive illness (an addict) using in their attempts to justify or cover up the depths of their disease.
Denial
1. “I don’t have a problem.” – A flat-out refusal to acknowledge the existence of addiction.
2. “Everyone drinks/uses drugs; it’s normal.” – Minimizing behavior by normalizing substance use.
3. “I can stop anytime I want.” – Claiming control over the situation despite evidence to the contrary.
4. “It’s not that bad.” – Downplaying the severity of their actions or consequences.
5. “You’re overreacting.” – Invalidating concerns raised by loved ones.
6. “I’m just under a lot of stress right now.” – Attributing substance use to external factors rather than personal responsibility.
7. “I’ve got it under control.” – Pretending to manage the addiction effectively when they are not.
8. “It’s only once in a while.” – Dismissing the frequency or impact of their behavior.
9. “I was just experimenting.” – Framing substance use as a temporary or harmless phase.
10. “I’m fine; it’s not affecting me.” – Ignoring or rejecting evidence of physical, emotional, or social harm.
Deceit
11. “I’m going to stop tomorrow.” – False promises to delay taking action.
12. “That wasn’t mine; someone left it here.” – Blaming others for the presence of substances or paraphernalia.
13. “I only had one drink.” – Lying about the amount consumed.
14. “I wasn’t even there.” – Denying being in places where substance use occurred.
15. “The doctor prescribed this.” – Misusing prescriptions and hiding behind medical approval.
16. “I’ve already quit.” – Claiming to have stopped using substances when they haven’t.
17. “I’m late because I had to work overtime.” – Making up excuses to cover for behaviors linked to substance use.
18. “My bank account got hacked.” – Lying about missing money spent on substances.
19. “I was just with friends.” – Concealing the true nature of social situations involving substances.
20. “I didn’t know it was in my system.” – Claiming ignorance to avoid accountability for drug use.
Deflection
21. “Why are you always nagging me?” – Shifting focus to the accuser to avoid addressing the issue.
22. “What about your drinking?” – Pointing out others’ habits to deflect attention.
23. “You don’t trust me!” – Using guilt to distract from their actions.
24. “I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t stressed me out.”** – Blaming others for their choices.
25. “It’s my life; why do you care?” – Dismissing concern by asserting independence.
26. “Nobody understands me.” – Playing the victim to avoid accountability.
27. “This is just how I cope.” – Justifying addiction as a necessary response to challenges.
28. “You’re always looking for something to criticize.” – Accusing loved ones of being overly judgmental.
29. “There are worse things I could be doing.” – Comparing their behavior to others’ to make it seem less problematic.
30. “Why are we even talking about this? I’m fine.” – Dismissing the conversation entirely to avoid deeper scrutiny.
Recognizing these patterns is crucial for loved ones and professionals working with someone struggling with addiction. These behaviors are often defense mechanisms stemming from fear, shame, or the desire to maintain their addiction. Addressing them with compassion, honesty, and support is key to encouraging recovery.
